I'm sitting here on the steps to the apartment house
that my Mom and I share.
I'm watching him walk slowly up the middle
of the street
With all of his confidence and bravado and energy.
With his smoldering beauty he claims not to see.
He never loses but then again, he never tries.
And wouldn't you know
Not one car will come, to make him move
to the sidewalk.
I'd bet my life savings on that, not
that I'd win much,
But I would win.
He's wearing faded blue jeans, a Nirvana shirt, and plaid
And an old leather jacket he bought in
the pawn shop a couple of years ago.
He's not in style but he's in his
style,
And oh, boy, does it work for him.
He doesn't look up at me
But I know he knows I'm here
That I'm watching him,
Hell, I'm always watching him.
I used to be so different
I used to be one of the soft pretty
girls of the boardwalk
I used to wear bikini's and gold
jewelry he bought me.
I used to giggle and scream and wink at
the old men looking at me.
The boardwalk with its music and
laughter and games
With its food and rides and the strange
people you only notice at night.
There were dances in the crystal hall
And there was plenty of time spent down
on the beach
Where no one could hear the pleading
And the sweet promises after midnight.
And certainly not the surrender to the
first time
On a raggedy beach towel or an old
leather jacket
From a pawn show, bought a long time
ago.
Now I still go to the boardwalk, but
it's to wait tables
Not to ride the rides, and not giggle
and scream and wink.
And definitely not to ride on the old leather jacket anymore.
I'm not that girl anymore.
At the Greek, I wait on my old friends and him and
they ask me how I'm doing
And make comments when I turn my back
That they think I don't hear .... or that they don't care if I hear.
Everything from “stuck up bitch” to
“welfare ho” to “college slut”
And I ignore them and bring them their
food.
It's a job, just a job
And it pays for my books at the local
community college.
They leave me a tip on their forty
dollar bill. A buck.
A lousy fucking buck.
And I sigh and suck up my fury and slip
that dollar into my pocket.
It won't even buy me a cup of coffee
But with a couple of other lousy tips
…
I'm sipping a Venti, baby.
But right now I'm watching him nearing
my steps and he pauses
So slowly, so deliberately and turns to
see my face.
He has sunglasses on so I can't read
his eyes.
“What's up, college girl? Still
studying to be the best?”
“Not the best, Mikey, just better.
Just making a better life for myself.”
“That's what they all say and they
all end up right back here
…... working on the boardwalk.”
“Well, not me. I did my time
on the boardwalk last summer
….... and I paid all my due for all
my sins.”
He removed the sunglasses looking at me
sharply
A slight pain behind his eyes.
“You shouldn't have ….”
“I'm leaving tomorrow for college in
New York. I won a scholarship. I'm making my life better."
............... you'll never see me again, Michael. Never.”
And in seconds, Christie Lopez is in his
arms, pressing against him,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, whining for dinner and dancing at the
boardwalk crystal hall.
She grins at me with all of her teeth
exposed.
Mikey puts the sunglasses back on,
hiding watery eyes.
They turn and begin their walk to the
boardwalk.
And for the very first time …....
I'm not watching him anymore.
