SEARCHING FOR FAITH

I'm walking down abandoned rail road tracks
The sunrise ahead of me
Worn blue jeans and an old pair of boots
My cowboy hat blows off me
And I turn and watch it
Rolling and tumbling down the tracks behind me
It had a crucivix pinned to it
Something of a talisman in my past
Twelve years of Catholic school
But I left those beliefs behind at twenty-one
Jesus was a cool guy, but he's not my guy.
The sun is higher in the sky
And my body cries for coffee.
There's a diner to the right
And I walk inside
Thrilled to be wrapped in the AC
Sitting at the counter, I smile at the waitress
Who grins back and hands me a menu
"Our green tea will give you a boost this morning, honey"
I shake my head and tell her that coffee will be just fine
She points out the menu with its 37 teas and no beans
There's meditation in the corner and yoga in the back
And I smile, getting up from the counter
Buddha was a cool guy, but he wasn't my guy.
Across the tracks and the road next to it is a 24 hour place
And they've actually got a picture of coffee in the window
I laugh and run inside
And the waitress is already pouring
"You're an angel with wings, darling", I tell her
"Blessed Be, Blessed Be!!"  she cries out and takes my order
I glance around at the crystals and swords
Candles, incense, and statues
I love it here and the food is just as good
I feel welcome ... but something is missing
And soon I'm on my way and I'm closer
The Goddess is fantastic, but she isn't my girl.
As the heat becomes almost too much to bare
I take a ride from an old man in a beat up Ford truck
He asks if I'm a Christian and although I figure
I'm about to lose my ride
I'll tell him the truth, that no, I'm not
But that I'm not sure what I am
And he grins
"Think back, who kept you safe when you was a child
Who was there for you, besides your Mama and Daddy?"
We didn't talk anymore but I thought about what he said
And thanked him when he dropped me at my hotel
There was a huge convention with people dressed up
And although I was invited in, I didn't go
Aliens are ... cool ... but they aren't my ... yeah
In the hotel bar, I ordered a cold drink
Who kept me safe beside Mom and Daddy?
Who was there for me?
My fingers trailed up and caressed the medal
I always wore on a necklace
My Grandmother had given it to me
It was Mary, the mother of Jesus.
Whenever I was afraid of a storm
Or that my Father was sick
Or when I was lost in the woods
I spoke to Mary.
As an adult, I turned to Mary when I was pregnant
I thanked her for safe passage as my daughter came into this world
She was who was with me at my Father's funeral
And was with me when I realized there was no God
(Don't ask me to expain that because I can't)
Mary has never left me, has never stopped loving me
She keeps me safe, she listens
She gives me comfort
And even when I knew her son was just a human
(Don't ask me to explain that because I can't)
She understood me and held me anyway
Does this make me a confused Christian?
A pagan making it up as she goes along?
A feminist with an agenda?
It doesn't matter.
Mary is the one and Mary is my homegirl