EYE TO EYE

It was just after midnight

And the blue moon was hanging low in a cloudless sky.

She was so beautiful,

But she had nothing on you, my amazing man

And your incredible blue eyes,

That seem to track my every move.

We're sitting around a campfire

And you have your girlfriend in your arms.

I can see you just a few feet from me.

We're surrounded by friends,

The booze is flowing freely.

The scent of cannabis, the fire, 

      and the ocean mingle around us.

I'm watching you caress your girl 

      through the flames that separate us

You're touching her with such tenderness and such passion.

I'm a little jealous, I want to be in her place, 

      although she gives me pleasure as well.

And although our friends keep calling for my attention

I can't take my gaze away.

Your fingers coax emotion from her hidden soul

And you look straight at me, a twinkle in your eyes,

Knowing without a doubt that I was watching.

I'm your mate, your wife, your best friend,

But she's your girl and I've accepted that.

Later that night, the fire burned down to embers,

      our friends gone home

I've watched you and her playing together in a sensual dance

      that I don't know the moves to.

But now she's put away in her guitar case

Slumbering until you pick her up once more.

And our threesome is now a twosome again.

You take me into your arms,

Pulling me gently against your body

As I become soft and you become hard

In a dance that began with time …

You're giving me a slow kiss, all about passion

But we're playing now, we're smiling and kissing

Tasting of beer and weed and sweet peaches.

I open my eyes, as the kiss goes on

And you're staring at me.

I laugh and pull back, and your hand entangles in my hair

Holding that kiss, holding me.

Those eyes, those blue eyes.

Isn't this where we came in at?

I don't know anymore, so much time has gone by.

But I do know this is where I'm staying, blue eyes.

Right here with you.

We suddenly break apart laughing, dropping to the beach

You're next to me in a heartbeat, 

      and there's sand and more kisses.

I'm staying, I'm staying, I'm staying

Blue eyes, I'm staying

As I feel you lift the hem of my summer dress

And slowly run the back of your hand up my thigh.

You laugh quietly and whisper something so funny

So filthy and so personal

And I blush

      although I've heard it a hundred times before,

Something between us that no one would ever understand.

I roll over, giggling and I'm in the surf, you alongside me.

The waves are crashing over our bodies, now naked,

Now … now … what nature intended

What bodies were built for …

What angels only dreamed of.

And those blue eyes, still on mine.

I'm staying … staying.

Whispers and Storms

It was 2:30 am on some street in downtown Pittsburgh

And we had just come out the back door of a tiny punk bar.

I was definitely under-dressed for a cold winter night in September,

And you were too drunk to drive.

I held your keys in my hand, feeling their weight in my fingers.

Your key chain said “too young to die” and I hoped that were true.

You were staring at me, a half grin on your face,

That I didn't particularly like much. I wondered how I looked to you.

You in your band tee-shirt and sleepy blue eyes,

Blonde hair falling, creating a frame … you are beautiful.

It was an old cliché, but I never loved anyone more.

We were on the verge of a screaming battle

I could feel it on the wind like a whisper of a bad omen

Teasing me that I could lose my man with just one wrong word.

I reached up slowly and touched your cheek, and you kissed my palm,

Humming as you did.

Touch has always been a glue for us, a wall-breaker, when we've started to build.

The half-grin is gone and you're smiling now

And the whispers of a bad omen have retreated back … back ...

You pull me into your arms and we're dancing and laughing

On a cold street in the middle of the night in Pittsburgh

And neither one of us quite knows why

But we both know that we missed a storm.

BACCHUS AND THE RED WITCH

He is Bacchus and she is the Red Witch
She revels in his beautiful words
spoken in a room of silk and lace.
The wine is opulent and abundant
As the crystal ship glides its way through mirrored seas
The servants are quiet
The panoramic psychedelic scenery eating their imaginations.
He stops reading, looking at her, his eyes glowing with lust and love
He once again bitterly complains about his role in all of this
He only wants to be with her; he wants her to be with only him
She throws her head back and laughs, infuriating him.
She's heard it all before, over and over again
Through moons upon moons, tides upon tides
The ever changing world that has yet to stop spinning
And set them free.
He sets on her, his fury rising, and grabs her china white arms
Her fiery red hair cascading around them.
He's insisting she change things, to invoke the Goddess
She reminds him he is a God, he has always been a God
And to become a monster now would shatter her.
She reminds him of centuries of this same conversation
and he grabs a bottle of wine, blood red wine
pouring it along their bodies creating a fire of their own making
In the morning she awakens slowly
Thinking of how much harder he is to convince each lifetime
She wonders what will happen when he refuses to leave her
And although he's gone
She can still feel his life force in her bed, in her rooms.
He's off to begin again
And the Red Witch will wait for him as she always has
She'll become the Dark One, she knows and then go on
Only to begin again some September at Harvest Moon
Slowly walk the path of the ancients as The Maiden
And suddenly remember him
Not only her inspiration, her love but her only true mate
Bacchus ...

OPAQUE

I don't understand why you're on my mind so constantly, lately.
Why I'm dreaming of you, remembering conversations, laughing at old jokes
Why I'm seeing your face, that beautiful face, those blue eyes.
Are you doing this, because I know I'm not?
And I can't get through a day without visions of you and I surrounding me.
I've never forgotten you, you've never left my soul, and you know that.
I can always find you when I need you.
I can always talk to you when I need ... what only you can give.
There is nothing from that summer that I've forgotten.
Did you think I had?  Did you think I let you go?
You know that ....
 ... I've always brought you back,  Yet I've always been in control of my memories.
I can't think about you all the time
I can't hold that desire for you constantly
Because I know it will break me, I know it will force me to be alone
Thinking only of you and the way you ... and how you ...
It's over and done and I have moved on.  But ...
Suddenly, here you are, invading my space
Without an invitation, without a call.
It's like an invasion from the one I always loved
But an unwelcome invasion when it isn't on my terms.
I want you to go, I want you to ...
I miss you, I miss you always
But these memories tend to stop my life
Pull me back to a place that is so far gone, I could never find it again.
And I get this physical urge to try and find it, to drive South, to the end
To find that street, to find that house, to find that bar, that table, that ... light
To find those places where smoke became fire.
And I could drive for hours and hours, days upon days
Searching ... searching ... searching
But it's gone.
I get caught up in thoughts of you, the bar, the hurricane candle
Your blonde hair, your blue blue eyes, my innocence.
Here I am in real life and then suddenly I'm gone, with you, remembering.
Your voice, your hands, your laugh catching mine and holding it
You are a diamond in the rough, an unknown legend, a prince of men.
But no one got to know it, to discover you, to see you
Because you passed too quickly from this world.
But I saw it, I saw you, I loved .... love .... you
For all time.  You .... are mine.
So I have to bring you to me when I'm ready
Not the other way around.
You can't do this to me, you can't pull me from my world
To be in this opaque shadowy existence with you.
Neither one of us can live here or I would stay with you forever.
I miss you always.
I'll bring you back, I'll send an invitation, my hands will reach for you once more.
Wait for my call.
Please answer
Please say yes as you have always done before.

ODE TO KITCHEN TABLES

I'm all moved into my new house and it already feels like home
It has a garden and a porch with a swing
And best of all, a huge gourmet kitchen with a white wood table
     that seats four although it's just me.
I sit here at this kitchen table, a small grin on my face;
It's not the first kitchen table but it's the best.
I remember back to my parents table;
     covered in a felt and plastic green flowered cloth
It was all the rage in those days.
I did my homework there, had long talks with Mom
And watched the love of my life Billy
     being grilled by Daddy before our first date
     and again when he asked me to marry him four years later.
The next table was in our first apartment
It sat in the hallway next to the living room
The kitchen was so tiny, Billy could almost touch wall to wall
But you could see the bedroom window from the living room window
And I thought that was simply divine.
Billy did his college homework at night on that first kitchen table
I tried to be a journalist while waitressing during the day
Neither one of us made those dreams come true
And there were more kitchen tables to come.
I stopped writing and had babies
And much to his disgust and dismay, Billy became a truck driver
But I was the daughter of a blue collar worker
So it seemed just fine to me
I had four kids to raise
     and a full kitchen table
And no time for pretentiousness
Years went by, the kids grew and left,
     and the tables got smaller
Billy shut himself in his office and I didn't mind
I had the rest of the house to myself
     and felt intruded on when he walked through
It seemed one morning we both woke up
And realized we were laying next to strangers
We didn't know each other anymore.
We worked out our settlement on our last kitchen table
It was easy
     we had no anger; we were just done
And today I'm signing the final divorce papers
     on my own kitchen table
This will be the last table for me
     the last, the best, the easiest
The one that will see me begin my new life.

SEARCHING FOR FAITH

I'm walking down abandoned rail road tracks
The sunrise ahead of me
Worn blue jeans and an old pair of boots
My cowboy hat blows off me
And I turn and watch it
Rolling and tumbling down the tracks behind me
It had a crucivix pinned to it
Something of a talisman in my past
Twelve years of Catholic school
But I left those beliefs behind at twenty-one
Jesus was a cool guy, but he's not my guy.
The sun is higher in the sky
And my body cries for coffee.
There's a diner to the right
And I walk inside
Thrilled to be wrapped in the AC
Sitting at the counter, I smile at the waitress
Who grins back and hands me a menu
"Our green tea will give you a boost this morning, honey"
I shake my head and tell her that coffee will be just fine
She points out the menu with its 37 teas and no beans
There's meditation in the corner and yoga in the back
And I smile, getting up from the counter
Buddha was a cool guy, but he wasn't my guy.
Across the tracks and the road next to it is a 24 hour place
And they've actually got a picture of coffee in the window
I laugh and run inside
And the waitress is already pouring
"You're an angel with wings, darling", I tell her
"Blessed Be, Blessed Be!!"  she cries out and takes my order
I glance around at the crystals and swords
Candles, incense, and statues
I love it here and the food is just as good
I feel welcome ... but something is missing
And soon I'm on my way and I'm closer
The Goddess is fantastic, but she isn't my girl.
As the heat becomes almost too much to bare
I take a ride from an old man in a beat up Ford truck
He asks if I'm a Christian and although I figure
I'm about to lose my ride
I'll tell him the truth, that no, I'm not
But that I'm not sure what I am
And he grins
"Think back, who kept you safe when you was a child
Who was there for you, besides your Mama and Daddy?"
We didn't talk anymore but I thought about what he said
And thanked him when he dropped me at my hotel
There was a huge convention with people dressed up
And although I was invited in, I didn't go
Aliens are ... cool ... but they aren't my ... yeah
In the hotel bar, I ordered a cold drink
Who kept me safe beside Mom and Daddy?
Who was there for me?
My fingers trailed up and caressed the medal
I always wore on a necklace
My Grandmother had given it to me
It was Mary, the mother of Jesus.
Whenever I was afraid of a storm
Or that my Father was sick
Or when I was lost in the woods
I spoke to Mary.
As an adult, I turned to Mary when I was pregnant
I thanked her for safe passage as my daughter came into this world
She was who was with me at my Father's funeral
And was with me when I realized there was no God
(Don't ask me to expain that because I can't)
Mary has never left me, has never stopped loving me
She keeps me safe, she listens
She gives me comfort
And even when I knew her son was just a human
(Don't ask me to explain that because I can't)
She understood me and held me anyway
Does this make me a confused Christian?
A pagan making it up as she goes along?
A feminist with an agenda?
It doesn't matter.
Mary is the one and Mary is my homegirl

THE PERFECT KISS

Teenage girls worry about it
Their first kiss with the quarterback
Or the bad boy they're planning to fix.
So do brides on their wedding day
All dressed in white
At the altar after they've been pronounced.
But after you've had dozens of kisses
Few so memorable as to call perfect
You realize the ones that stand out
Are the ones that are far from perfect.
Like the one after we knew each other a few days
And were sitting on my couch
Doing tequila shots, finding interesting places
To lick the salt.
That kiss was too drunken and sloppy
To be called perfect but so very sexy.
The one in the rain after a huge fight
Where we had said goodbye and meant it
And you chased me down Fifth Avenue
Both of us nearly getting hit by cars.
That kiss stopped traffic
And stopped us from leaving each other.
It was romantic as hell
But far from perfect as we nearly drowned in rain.
The one in the ER
After I fell off the back of the parked truck and you landed on top of me
On concrete
Impossible to explain to the doctor and nurses
Although I had a broken rib
And you had a dislocated shoulder trying to keep me from getting hurt
It was tender and loving but definitely not perfect
As broken bones and bruises would keep us from each other.
The one on our wedding day
As the mayor prounced us husband and wife
And all of our friends prounced in unison
"It's about time!"
And the magic kiss was broken by laughter.
The one at your casket
And everything was in the world was black
Except your face.
I leaned over and kissed your lips ..... cold
The least perfect of all
The most perfect of all and the last of all.
I tucked a bottle of tequila in your jacket pocket
Scandalizing as it was to your family
And then a tube of my lipstick into your breast pocket
And backed away
Knowing your soul was already on your next journey
And I'd wait until I was on that journey with you
To feel another imperfect perfect kiss.