Mary, Mother of Jesus

Mary, Mother of Jesus
You were just a girl
Who traded in her whole world.
I fell in love with you
Before I learned to read about you,
Before my feet were steady on the floor.
My Mother loved you
She told me stories of you
Of how the whole world
Depended on one girl.
And Mary,
I've loved you as a friend and a guiding light
I've felt your arms around me, holding me tight.
When my baby was in jeopardy, to you I prayed
Another mother would understand the fear
I felt you come to me, felt your love surround me
And with us you stayed
And with your grace granted her safe passage.
Oh, Mary
I turn to you for comfort
I turn to you for love
I turn to you in the rain
As it comes down and covers me.
And your love wraps around me.
I'll go on another day
With your strength I have seen.
Mary, Jesus's mother
We are both mothers
And the love is all that matters.
Your grief cradles me
I long to wipe away the tears from your face.
Oh, Mary
Cancer led me into the valley of the shadow
But you held my hand so tight;
You wouldn't allow me linger.
And when I couldn't find my way
When I was lost 
You led me back home through the dark.
Oh, Mary
I love you as a friend and a guiding light
I feel your arms around me, holding me tight.

NOIR

“Sometimes I feel,” he whispered, his muscular baritone vibrating somewhere near my heart,

     “like we're living in a film noir from the Thirties.”

I looked into his blue eyes, noting nothing black or gray lived there.

He was cranky tonight, some project gone wrong,

But I had to admit, he had a point.

Coltrane, Mingus, Chet Baker on the stereo every night,

     scratching vinyl because we're both such music snobs.

Bottles of Macallan scotch because we drink only the best.

     And we drink it on ice made from water procured in the Alps.

We were both in black cashmere, smoking home-rolled clove cigarettes

     And my nails and my lips were both painted deep red.

A few friends had called us hipsters, but we weren't;

We were tragically cool, so tragic, because we meant it from the heart.

Our life was all about emotion through cynicism, 

     Erotica through narcissism, sexual satisfaction through selfishness.

Something had to change; I knew I was annoying him

And he knew he was boring me to tears.

Other than the orange spark when we lit cigarettes and candles

     even our apartment was noir now.

I was worried the food would soon follow …

     White sugar, black beans, white rice, black raspberries,

     Milk and black coffee and never the two would meet.

I walked to the window, black stained oak covered in heavy white velvet

     With black lace floating beneath,

And stared at the magic moon hanging in the sky tonight.

She was so clear and so large, she nearly looked as if she was made of crystal

Just another image to add to our noir, more atmosphere for the next scene.

I turned realizing how much light the moon lent to our darkened apartment

     and how the shadows seemed to play off every wall.

Suddenly there was a flash of silver from the moonlight

     and I remember wondering briefly if it was lightning

     but when I saw it again on the wall, and his reflection in the mirror

I knew Mother Nature had nothing to do with this particular film of my life.

To die in the big city, in a black and white apartment,

wearing all black, my blood as red as my nails and my lips,

that crystal moon watching it all ...

was such a cliché, I don't think I'll ever get over it.   

EYE TO EYE

It was just after midnight

And the blue moon was hanging low in a cloudless sky.

She was so beautiful,

But she had nothing on you, my amazing man

And your incredible blue eyes,

That seem to track my every move.

We're sitting around a campfire

And you have your girlfriend in your arms.

I can see you just a few feet from me.

We're surrounded by friends,

The booze is flowing freely.

The scent of cannabis, the fire, 

      and the ocean mingle around us.

I'm watching you caress your girl 

      through the flames that separate us

You're touching her with such tenderness and such passion.

I'm a little jealous, I want to be in her place, 

      although she gives me pleasure as well.

And although our friends keep calling for my attention

I can't take my gaze away.

Your fingers coax emotion from her hidden soul

And you look straight at me, a twinkle in your eyes,

Knowing without a doubt that I was watching.

I'm your mate, your wife, your best friend,

But she's your girl and I've accepted that.

Later that night, the fire burned down to embers,

      our friends gone home

I've watched you and her playing together in a sensual dance

      that I don't know the moves to.

But now she's put away in her guitar case

Slumbering until you pick her up once more.

And our threesome is now a twosome again.

You take me into your arms,

Pulling me gently against your body

As I become soft and you become hard

In a dance that began with time …

You're giving me a slow kiss, all about passion

But we're playing now, we're smiling and kissing

Tasting of beer and weed and sweet peaches.

I open my eyes, as the kiss goes on

And you're staring at me.

I laugh and pull back, and your hand entangles in my hair

Holding that kiss, holding me.

Those eyes, those blue eyes.

Isn't this where we came in at?

I don't know anymore, so much time has gone by.

But I do know this is where I'm staying, blue eyes.

Right here with you.

We suddenly break apart laughing, dropping to the beach

You're next to me in a heartbeat, 

      and there's sand and more kisses.

I'm staying, I'm staying, I'm staying

Blue eyes, I'm staying

As I feel you lift the hem of my summer dress

And slowly run the back of your hand up my thigh.

You laugh quietly and whisper something so funny

So filthy and so personal

And I blush

      although I've heard it a hundred times before,

Something between us that no one would ever understand.

I roll over, giggling and I'm in the surf, you alongside me.

The waves are crashing over our bodies, now naked,

Now … now … what nature intended

What bodies were built for …

What angels only dreamed of.

And those blue eyes, still on mine.

I'm staying … staying.

Whispers and Storms

It was 2:30 am on some street in downtown Pittsburgh

And we had just come out the back door of a tiny punk bar.

I was definitely under-dressed for a cold winter night in September,

And you were too drunk to drive.

I held your keys in my hand, feeling their weight in my fingers.

Your key chain said “too young to die” and I hoped that were true.

You were staring at me, a half grin on your face,

That I didn't particularly like much. I wondered how I looked to you.

You in your band tee-shirt and sleepy blue eyes,

Blonde hair falling, creating a frame … you are beautiful.

It was an old cliché, but I never loved anyone more.

We were on the verge of a screaming battle

I could feel it on the wind like a whisper of a bad omen

Teasing me that I could lose my man with just one wrong word.

I reached up slowly and touched your cheek, and you kissed my palm,

Humming as you did.

Touch has always been a glue for us, a wall-breaker, when we've started to build.

The half-grin is gone and you're smiling now

And the whispers of a bad omen have retreated back … back ...

You pull me into your arms and we're dancing and laughing

On a cold street in the middle of the night in Pittsburgh

And neither one of us quite knows why

But we both know that we missed a storm.

BACCHUS AND THE RED WITCH

He is Bacchus and she is the Red Witch
She revels in his beautiful words
spoken in a room of silk and lace.
The wine is opulent and abundant
As the crystal ship glides its way through mirrored seas
The servants are quiet
The panoramic psychedelic scenery eating their imaginations.
He stops reading, looking at her, his eyes glowing with lust and love
He once again bitterly complains about his role in all of this
He only wants to be with her; he wants her to be with only him
She throws her head back and laughs, infuriating him.
She's heard it all before, over and over again
Through moons upon moons, tides upon tides
The ever changing world that has yet to stop spinning
And set them free.
He sets on her, his fury rising, and grabs her china white arms
Her fiery red hair cascading around them.
He's insisting she change things, to invoke the Goddess
She reminds him he is a God, he has always been a God
And to become a monster now would shatter her.
She reminds him of centuries of this same conversation
and he grabs a bottle of wine, blood red wine
pouring it along their bodies creating a fire of their own making
In the morning she awakens slowly
Thinking of how much harder he is to convince each lifetime
She wonders what will happen when he refuses to leave her
And although he's gone
She can still feel his life force in her bed, in her rooms.
He's off to begin again
And the Red Witch will wait for him as she always has
She'll become the Dark One, she knows and then go on
Only to begin again some September at Harvest Moon
Slowly walk the path of the ancients as The Maiden
And suddenly remember him
Not only her inspiration, her love but her only true mate
Bacchus ...

OPAQUE

I don't understand why you're on my mind so constantly, lately.
Why I'm dreaming of you, remembering conversations, laughing at old jokes
Why I'm seeing your face, that beautiful face, those blue eyes.
Are you doing this, because I know I'm not?
And I can't get through a day without visions of you and I surrounding me.
I've never forgotten you, you've never left my soul, and you know that.
I can always find you when I need you.
I can always talk to you when I need ... what only you can give.
There is nothing from that summer that I've forgotten.
Did you think I had?  Did you think I let you go?
You know that ....
 ... I've always brought you back,  Yet I've always been in control of my memories.
I can't think about you all the time
I can't hold that desire for you constantly
Because I know it will break me, I know it will force me to be alone
Thinking only of you and the way you ... and how you ...
It's over and done and I have moved on.  But ...
Suddenly, here you are, invading my space
Without an invitation, without a call.
It's like an invasion from the one I always loved
But an unwelcome invasion when it isn't on my terms.
I want you to go, I want you to ...
I miss you, I miss you always
But these memories tend to stop my life
Pull me back to a place that is so far gone, I could never find it again.
And I get this physical urge to try and find it, to drive South, to the end
To find that street, to find that house, to find that bar, that table, that ... light
To find those places where smoke became fire.
And I could drive for hours and hours, days upon days
Searching ... searching ... searching
But it's gone.
I get caught up in thoughts of you, the bar, the hurricane candle
Your blonde hair, your blue blue eyes, my innocence.
Here I am in real life and then suddenly I'm gone, with you, remembering.
Your voice, your hands, your laugh catching mine and holding it
You are a diamond in the rough, an unknown legend, a prince of men.
But no one got to know it, to discover you, to see you
Because you passed too quickly from this world.
But I saw it, I saw you, I loved .... love .... you
For all time.  You .... are mine.
So I have to bring you to me when I'm ready
Not the other way around.
You can't do this to me, you can't pull me from my world
To be in this opaque shadowy existence with you.
Neither one of us can live here or I would stay with you forever.
I miss you always.
I'll bring you back, I'll send an invitation, my hands will reach for you once more.
Wait for my call.
Please answer
Please say yes as you have always done before.

ODE TO KITCHEN TABLES

I'm all moved into my new house and it already feels like home
It has a garden and a porch with a swing
And best of all, a huge gourmet kitchen with a white wood table
     that seats four although it's just me.
I sit here at this kitchen table, a small grin on my face;
It's not the first kitchen table but it's the best.
I remember back to my parents table;
     covered in a felt and plastic green flowered cloth
It was all the rage in those days.
I did my homework there, had long talks with Mom
And watched the love of my life Billy
     being grilled by Daddy before our first date
     and again when he asked me to marry him four years later.
The next table was in our first apartment
It sat in the hallway next to the living room
The kitchen was so tiny, Billy could almost touch wall to wall
But you could see the bedroom window from the living room window
And I thought that was simply divine.
Billy did his college homework at night on that first kitchen table
I tried to be a journalist while waitressing during the day
Neither one of us made those dreams come true
And there were more kitchen tables to come.
I stopped writing and had babies
And much to his disgust and dismay, Billy became a truck driver
But I was the daughter of a blue collar worker
So it seemed just fine to me
I had four kids to raise
     and a full kitchen table
And no time for pretentiousness
Years went by, the kids grew and left,
     and the tables got smaller
Billy shut himself in his office and I didn't mind
I had the rest of the house to myself
     and felt intruded on when he walked through
It seemed one morning we both woke up
And realized we were laying next to strangers
We didn't know each other anymore.
We worked out our settlement on our last kitchen table
It was easy
     we had no anger; we were just done
And today I'm signing the final divorce papers
     on my own kitchen table
This will be the last table for me
     the last, the best, the easiest
The one that will see me begin my new life.