PENN AVENUE

We sit backstage in a dive bar
In downtown Pittsburgh on a rainy night
Waiting to go on.
Bottles of beer on the table
And the sweet smell of cannabis in the air.
We were eighteen years old, Billy and me
And thought we were infallible and we'd live forever.
Paid to do cover songs, but sometimes slipping in an original.
We'd skipped a year of college, much to our parents dismay
And cast our dreams to the wind.
We found a funky stage on Penn Avenue
Where the owner looked the other way when we showed him our ID
And paid us under the table to entertain the crowds.
It was a wildly romantic time and we tried to be June and Johnny
Instead of Sid and Nancy.
We drew audiences; teenagers to hear something new
And adults out to hear a memory
And we gave 'em both what they wanted.
I was on guitar, Billy on bass
And big Danny Riley on drums.
We covered everything from Hank Williams to The Ramones
And dreamed of Joe Grushecky coming in one night
Discovering us, introducing us to Bruce.
But when winter came, Penn Avenue was extra cold
And Billy's Dad offered him a car to go back to school.
Big Danny was already gone, hoping to find studio work in LA
And I remember standing in the snow; telling Billy to go
He promised he wouldn't; the band would go on
It was over, I said, again and again, and went inside my Mama's house
Late that night, I heard him calling my name, in the snow
And I closed my eyes, I didn't go, I didn't go.
I never saw him again except in dreams
Exactly twenty years later, my Mama called
Billy's Daddy had called looking for me
I sat with the number for a few hours
Knowing what this was about but not wanting
To hear it put into actual words
It was a few weeks after 9/11
And he told me that Billy's body had been recovered
And would I please come to the funeral in Mt. Lebanon that Friday
I didn't have an answer, I hung up the phone
Weeping, weeping, it will never stop
Years later I went to the memorial in NYC
Touching his name
Running my fingers over those precious letters
And I thought of bottles of beer
The sweet smell of canabis
And him on stage
At that club on Penn Avenue
Looking like the rock star he was.

WORSHIP

We got off the plane and the first thing I notice
Is the heat of the island that wraps around me
Invading my privacy, determind to make itself known
The way it always seems to welcome me back.
Hours later, I sat on the porch drinking a cold beer
And smile as his jeep pulls in, kicking up dirt and dust
He carries in the cooler and I watch the muscles in his back tense
Feeling like a pervert for my very own guy
I grin and he caught me as he turned
And pulled me into his arms
Demanding to know what put that salacious smile onto my lips
I refused to speak, playing shy, and looked down
He laughed, knowing shyness was not part of my make-up
And let me go
Putting lobster and crab legs into the 'fridge.
He sat down and finished my beer, his eyes on mine
Lips just made for kissing and whispering
Cheek bones that could cut glass when he smiles
Gentle crows feet surround his eyes, he's a man not a boy
I grab us two more beers, but before I sit down
I take his hand in mine, it's strong, calloused, masculine
He squeezes my fingers, plays with my wedding bands
We're worshipping each other like bats
Our eyes meet again, and there's a fire burning all of our own
I smile at him
A smile that men have understood since Eve first gave it to Adam
That night on the beach, in front of a fire we had built
We hold each other close after a midnight swim.
He is my floor.
I had had the floor of safety ripped out from under me
At age twenty-one when my Daddy died
And although I was married, I never felt safe again
Until I met this man who rebuilt that floor
Board by board, nail by nail
Until I could stand, knowing he always had my back
And I didn't have to do it alone anymore
I'll be sad to leave the island for home
But we'll take the floor with us
The love, the lust
The safety in our marriage
That follows us wherever we go

YOU SAW ME FIRST

You saw me first before I even knew
What was just beneath the surface
Of that girl in her fifteenth summer
It was Key West in the 70s
You were my cousin's best friend
But I just remember the Full Moon Saloon
A hurricane candle lighting a cigarette
And the bluest eyes I had ever seen
Eyes that were seeing me first
Everyone watched you
You were so damn good looking
Even my mother said so
A total free spirit, long blond hair
And those eyes, those sexy damn eyes
That were seeing me first
You were older by a decade
And got a kick out of my crush
I tried so desperately to hide
As you awakened more and more feelings
Without ever touching me
As my Daddy circled us like a hawk with a hunting rifle
Because he could see us both.
But there was attention paid
And long conversations
And dances to rock and roll
And stares and smiles
And my very first serious kiss
All with a grin on your face.
I fell hard for you that summer
And getting on the plane to go home
Was like having something torn away and yet something replaced
And all my friends said how I had changed
When I got back to Pittsburgh.
You had awakened the woman in the girl
And I still find myself grinning remembering you
And the hurricane candle and the bluest damn eyes.
I'm so glad you saw me first

ME AND JONI

Joni Mitchell gave the women of the world a voice
She empowered them
Let them cry and helped them dance
And for generations on
She's still the queen
But me and Joni
We just never clicked
I bought her albums in the 70s
And pretended to get behind
Those words of wisdom
As my girlfriends went totally fangirl for her
I bought her songbook before the internet
Trying to find what I was missing
And everyone else seemed to have found
I wanted her so badly
But it was unrequited love for both
Sigh
The women of my generation still talk
About what she gave them
And my daughter plays her music
Goes on and on about how important she was
I know, I know ... I was there
But Bob Dylan spoke to me
And Joni never even whispered
Oh Joni
Why can't we be together?