BACCHUS AND THE RED WITCH

He is Bacchus and she is the Red Witch
She revels in his beautiful words
spoken in a room of silk and lace.
The wine is opulent and abundant
As the crystal ship glides its way through mirrored seas
The servants are quiet
The panoramic psychedelic scenery eating their imaginations.
He stops reading, looking at her, his eyes glowing with lust and love
He once again bitterly complains about his role in all of this
He only wants to be with her; he wants her to be with only him
She throws her head back and laughs, infuriating him.
She's heard it all before, over and over again
Through moons upon moons, tides upon tides
The ever changing world that has yet to stop spinning
And set them free.
He sets on her, his fury rising, and grabs her china white arms
Her fiery red hair cascading around them.
He's insisting she change things, to invoke the Goddess
She reminds him he is a God, he has always been a God
And to become a monster now would shatter her.
She reminds him of centuries of this same conversation
and he grabs a bottle of wine, blood red wine
pouring it along their bodies creating a fire of their own making
In the morning she awakens slowly
Thinking of how much harder he is to convince each lifetime
She wonders what will happen when he refuses to leave her
And although he's gone
She can still feel his life force in her bed, in her rooms.
He's off to begin again
And the Red Witch will wait for him as she always has
She'll become the Dark One, she knows and then go on
Only to begin again some September at Harvest Moon
Slowly walk the path of the ancients as The Maiden
And suddenly remember him
Not only her inspiration, her love but her only true mate
Bacchus ...

OPAQUE

I don't understand why you're on my mind so constantly, lately.
Why I'm dreaming of you, remembering conversations, laughing at old jokes
Why I'm seeing your face, that beautiful face, those blue eyes.
Are you doing this, because I know I'm not?
And I can't get through a day without visions of you and I surrounding me.
I've never forgotten you, you've never left my soul, and you know that.
I can always find you when I need you.
I can always talk to you when I need ... what only you can give.
There is nothing from that summer that I've forgotten.
Did you think I had?  Did you think I let you go?
You know that ....
 ... I've always brought you back,  Yet I've always been in control of my memories.
I can't think about you all the time
I can't hold that desire for you constantly
Because I know it will break me, I know it will force me to be alone
Thinking only of you and the way you ... and how you ...
It's over and done and I have moved on.  But ...
Suddenly, here you are, invading my space
Without an invitation, without a call.
It's like an invasion from the one I always loved
But an unwelcome invasion when it isn't on my terms.
I want you to go, I want you to ...
I miss you, I miss you always
But these memories tend to stop my life
Pull me back to a place that is so far gone, I could never find it again.
And I get this physical urge to try and find it, to drive South, to the end
To find that street, to find that house, to find that bar, that table, that ... light
To find those places where smoke became fire.
And I could drive for hours and hours, days upon days
Searching ... searching ... searching
But it's gone.
I get caught up in thoughts of you, the bar, the hurricane candle
Your blonde hair, your blue blue eyes, my innocence.
Here I am in real life and then suddenly I'm gone, with you, remembering.
Your voice, your hands, your laugh catching mine and holding it
You are a diamond in the rough, an unknown legend, a prince of men.
But no one got to know it, to discover you, to see you
Because you passed too quickly from this world.
But I saw it, I saw you, I loved .... love .... you
For all time.  You .... are mine.
So I have to bring you to me when I'm ready
Not the other way around.
You can't do this to me, you can't pull me from my world
To be in this opaque shadowy existence with you.
Neither one of us can live here or I would stay with you forever.
I miss you always.
I'll bring you back, I'll send an invitation, my hands will reach for you once more.
Wait for my call.
Please answer
Please say yes as you have always done before.

ODE TO KITCHEN TABLES

I'm all moved into my new house and it already feels like home
It has a garden and a porch with a swing
And best of all, a huge gourmet kitchen with a white wood table
     that seats four although it's just me.
I sit here at this kitchen table, a small grin on my face;
It's not the first kitchen table but it's the best.
I remember back to my parents table;
     covered in a felt and plastic green flowered cloth
It was all the rage in those days.
I did my homework there, had long talks with Mom
And watched the love of my life Billy
     being grilled by Daddy before our first date
     and again when he asked me to marry him four years later.
The next table was in our first apartment
It sat in the hallway next to the living room
The kitchen was so tiny, Billy could almost touch wall to wall
But you could see the bedroom window from the living room window
And I thought that was simply divine.
Billy did his college homework at night on that first kitchen table
I tried to be a journalist while waitressing during the day
Neither one of us made those dreams come true
And there were more kitchen tables to come.
I stopped writing and had babies
And much to his disgust and dismay, Billy became a truck driver
But I was the daughter of a blue collar worker
So it seemed just fine to me
I had four kids to raise
     and a full kitchen table
And no time for pretentiousness
Years went by, the kids grew and left,
     and the tables got smaller
Billy shut himself in his office and I didn't mind
I had the rest of the house to myself
     and felt intruded on when he walked through
It seemed one morning we both woke up
And realized we were laying next to strangers
We didn't know each other anymore.
We worked out our settlement on our last kitchen table
It was easy
     we had no anger; we were just done
And today I'm signing the final divorce papers
     on my own kitchen table
This will be the last table for me
     the last, the best, the easiest
The one that will see me begin my new life.

SEARCHING FOR FAITH

I'm walking down abandoned rail road tracks
The sunrise ahead of me
Worn blue jeans and an old pair of boots
My cowboy hat blows off me
And I turn and watch it
Rolling and tumbling down the tracks behind me
It had a crucivix pinned to it
Something of a talisman in my past
Twelve years of Catholic school
But I left those beliefs behind at twenty-one
Jesus was a cool guy, but he's not my guy.
The sun is higher in the sky
And my body cries for coffee.
There's a diner to the right
And I walk inside
Thrilled to be wrapped in the AC
Sitting at the counter, I smile at the waitress
Who grins back and hands me a menu
"Our green tea will give you a boost this morning, honey"
I shake my head and tell her that coffee will be just fine
She points out the menu with its 37 teas and no beans
There's meditation in the corner and yoga in the back
And I smile, getting up from the counter
Buddha was a cool guy, but he wasn't my guy.
Across the tracks and the road next to it is a 24 hour place
And they've actually got a picture of coffee in the window
I laugh and run inside
And the waitress is already pouring
"You're an angel with wings, darling", I tell her
"Blessed Be, Blessed Be!!"  she cries out and takes my order
I glance around at the crystals and swords
Candles, incense, and statues
I love it here and the food is just as good
I feel welcome ... but something is missing
And soon I'm on my way and I'm closer
The Goddess is fantastic, but she isn't my girl.
As the heat becomes almost too much to bare
I take a ride from an old man in a beat up Ford truck
He asks if I'm a Christian and although I figure
I'm about to lose my ride
I'll tell him the truth, that no, I'm not
But that I'm not sure what I am
And he grins
"Think back, who kept you safe when you was a child
Who was there for you, besides your Mama and Daddy?"
We didn't talk anymore but I thought about what he said
And thanked him when he dropped me at my hotel
There was a huge convention with people dressed up
And although I was invited in, I didn't go
Aliens are ... cool ... but they aren't my ... yeah
In the hotel bar, I ordered a cold drink
Who kept me safe beside Mom and Daddy?
Who was there for me?
My fingers trailed up and caressed the medal
I always wore on a necklace
My Grandmother had given it to me
It was Mary, the mother of Jesus.
Whenever I was afraid of a storm
Or that my Father was sick
Or when I was lost in the woods
I spoke to Mary.
As an adult, I turned to Mary when I was pregnant
I thanked her for safe passage as my daughter came into this world
She was who was with me at my Father's funeral
And was with me when I realized there was no God
(Don't ask me to expain that because I can't)
Mary has never left me, has never stopped loving me
She keeps me safe, she listens
She gives me comfort
And even when I knew her son was just a human
(Don't ask me to explain that because I can't)
She understood me and held me anyway
Does this make me a confused Christian?
A pagan making it up as she goes along?
A feminist with an agenda?
It doesn't matter.
Mary is the one and Mary is my homegirl

THE PERFECT KISS

Teenage girls worry about it
Their first kiss with the quarterback
Or the bad boy they're planning to fix.
So do brides on their wedding day
All dressed in white
At the altar after they've been pronounced.
But after you've had dozens of kisses
Few so memorable as to call perfect
You realize the ones that stand out
Are the ones that are far from perfect.
Like the one after we knew each other a few days
And were sitting on my couch
Doing tequila shots, finding interesting places
To lick the salt.
That kiss was too drunken and sloppy
To be called perfect but so very sexy.
The one in the rain after a huge fight
Where we had said goodbye and meant it
And you chased me down Fifth Avenue
Both of us nearly getting hit by cars.
That kiss stopped traffic
And stopped us from leaving each other.
It was romantic as hell
But far from perfect as we nearly drowned in rain.
The one in the ER
After I fell off the back of the parked truck and you landed on top of me
On concrete
Impossible to explain to the doctor and nurses
Although I had a broken rib
And you had a dislocated shoulder trying to keep me from getting hurt
It was tender and loving but definitely not perfect
As broken bones and bruises would keep us from each other.
The one on our wedding day
As the mayor prounced us husband and wife
And all of our friends prounced in unison
"It's about time!"
And the magic kiss was broken by laughter.
The one at your casket
And everything was in the world was black
Except your face.
I leaned over and kissed your lips ..... cold
The least perfect of all
The most perfect of all and the last of all.
I tucked a bottle of tequila in your jacket pocket
Scandalizing as it was to your family
And then a tube of my lipstick into your breast pocket
And backed away
Knowing your soul was already on your next journey
And I'd wait until I was on that journey with you
To feel another imperfect perfect kiss.

PENN AVENUE

We sit backstage in a dive bar
In downtown Pittsburgh on a rainy night
Waiting to go on.
Bottles of beer on the table
And the sweet smell of cannabis in the air.
We were eighteen years old, Billy and me
And thought we were infallible and we'd live forever.
Paid to do cover songs, but sometimes slipping in an original.
We'd skipped a year of college, much to our parents dismay
And cast our dreams to the wind.
We found a funky stage on Penn Avenue
Where the owner looked the other way when we showed him our ID
And paid us under the table to entertain the crowds.
It was a wildly romantic time and we tried to be June and Johnny
Instead of Sid and Nancy.
We drew audiences; teenagers to hear something new
And adults out to hear a memory
And we gave 'em both what they wanted.
I was on guitar, Billy on bass
And big Danny Riley on drums.
We covered everything from Hank Williams to The Ramones
And dreamed of Joe Grushecky coming in one night
Discovering us, introducing us to Bruce.
But when winter came, Penn Avenue was extra cold
And Billy's Dad offered him a car to go back to school.
Big Danny was already gone, hoping to find studio work in LA
And I remember standing in the snow; telling Billy to go
He promised he wouldn't; the band would go on
It was over, I said, again and again, and went inside my Mama's house
Late that night, I heard him calling my name, in the snow
And I closed my eyes, I didn't go, I didn't go.
I never saw him again except in dreams
Exactly twenty years later, my Mama called
Billy's Daddy had called looking for me
I sat with the number for a few hours
Knowing what this was about but not wanting
To hear it put into actual words
It was a few weeks after 9/11
And he told me that Billy's body had been recovered
And would I please come to the funeral in Mt. Lebanon that Friday
I didn't have an answer, I hung up the phone
Weeping, weeping, it will never stop
Years later I went to the memorial in NYC
Touching his name
Running my fingers over those precious letters
And I thought of bottles of beer
The sweet smell of canabis
And him on stage
At that club on Penn Avenue
Looking like the rock star he was.

WORSHIP

We got off the plane and the first thing I notice
Is the heat of the island that wraps around me
Invading my privacy, determind to make itself known
The way it always seems to welcome me back.
Hours later, I sat on the porch drinking a cold beer
And smile as his jeep pulls in, kicking up dirt and dust
He carries in the cooler and I watch the muscles in his back tense
Feeling like a pervert for my very own guy
I grin and he caught me as he turned
And pulled me into his arms
Demanding to know what put that salacious smile onto my lips
I refused to speak, playing shy, and looked down
He laughed, knowing shyness was not part of my make-up
And let me go
Putting lobster and crab legs into the 'fridge.
He sat down and finished my beer, his eyes on mine
Lips just made for kissing and whispering
Cheek bones that could cut glass when he smiles
Gentle crows feet surround his eyes, he's a man not a boy
I grab us two more beers, but before I sit down
I take his hand in mine, it's strong, calloused, masculine
He squeezes my fingers, plays with my wedding bands
We're worshipping each other like bats
Our eyes meet again, and there's a fire burning all of our own
I smile at him
A smile that men have understood since Eve first gave it to Adam
That night on the beach, in front of a fire we had built
We hold each other close after a midnight swim.
He is my floor.
I had had the floor of safety ripped out from under me
At age twenty-one when my Daddy died
And although I was married, I never felt safe again
Until I met this man who rebuilt that floor
Board by board, nail by nail
Until I could stand, knowing he always had my back
And I didn't have to do it alone anymore
I'll be sad to leave the island for home
But we'll take the floor with us
The love, the lust
The safety in our marriage
That follows us wherever we go

YOU SAW ME FIRST

You saw me first before I even knew
What was just beneath the surface
Of that girl in her fifteenth summer
It was Key West in the 70s
You were my cousin's best friend
But I just remember the Full Moon Saloon
A hurricane candle lighting a cigarette
And the bluest eyes I had ever seen
Eyes that were seeing me first
Everyone watched you
You were so damn good looking
Even my mother said so
A total free spirit, long blond hair
And those eyes, those sexy damn eyes
That were seeing me first
You were older by a decade
And got a kick out of my crush
I tried so desperately to hide
As you awakened more and more feelings
Without ever touching me
As my Daddy circled us like a hawk with a hunting rifle
Because he could see us both.
But there was attention paid
And long conversations
And dances to rock and roll
And stares and smiles
And my very first serious kiss
All with a grin on your face.
I fell hard for you that summer
And getting on the plane to go home
Was like having something torn away and yet something replaced
And all my friends said how I had changed
When I got back to Pittsburgh.
You had awakened the woman in the girl
And I still find myself grinning remembering you
And the hurricane candle and the bluest damn eyes.
I'm so glad you saw me first

ME AND JONI

Joni Mitchell gave the women of the world a voice
She empowered them
Let them cry and helped them dance
And for generations on
She's still the queen
But me and Joni
We just never clicked
I bought her albums in the 70s
And pretended to get behind
Those words of wisdom
As my girlfriends went totally fangirl for her
I bought her songbook before the internet
Trying to find what I was missing
And everyone else seemed to have found
I wanted her so badly
But it was unrequited love for both
Sigh
The women of my generation still talk
About what she gave them
And my daughter plays her music
Goes on and on about how important she was
I know, I know ... I was there
But Bob Dylan spoke to me
And Joni never even whispered
Oh Joni
Why can't we be together?

JOES AND RITAS

The bar was dark and chilly
And neon shone from the window
And made the bottles glitter in the mirror behind the till
Leather covered the stools and booths
And it smelled of beer on tap and cheap whiskey
She sat at the farthest stool, at the end of the bar
The seat closest to the juke
And fed it several dollars
Playing Tori Amos, the lounge singer done good
Who seemed to have all the answers
She sipped her Patron slowly
Savoring the burn
Trying to chase away something
That was chasing her
The bartender watched her from the corner of his eye
She didn't belong here
The bar was downtown, blue collar joes and good time ritas
Just good people looking for an escape for a night
She was uptown, upscale, upper class
And she'd never find the answer's to her problems
In a place like this, good as it was
She looked like she had lost in the game
But the bartender knew it was just a round
And she'd have another and another shot at it
And with her beauty doors would open
One after another for most of her life
Whereas with goodtime rita's they had one door, maybe two
And had to jump through the one door that opened
Before it closed again
The bartender wanted to tell her that, explain
She needed to leave before the joes heard the whistle blow
And began swarming her, sending her drinks
Making her feel special for an hour or two
And then completely empty forever
Hearts are cheap and he knew she hadn't learned that yet
She was still soft and clean, still smooth and sweet
And he knew a joe would change that forever
Joes worked hard and played hard and their lives were hard
They would love her and cherish her
But the life would break her and the love would fall away
The bartender saw it all the time
He wanted to protect her, although he didn't know why
He walked toward her slowly, taking her in
Blond hair, blue eyes, designer clothes
How on earth did she find her way in here
He wondered again?
     "Miss, it's time for you to go home.  This isn't the place for a girl        like you."
She looked at his with those eyes, suddenly defiant
And then a bit frightened.
She nodded and smiled the saddest smile he had ever seen.
He wanted to close for the night and take her home.
He resisted; he was no joe.
He told her all the things in his heart, about the joes and the ritas
And how good life was going to be for her
She leaned over the bar and kissed his cheek
He watched her walk out and hoped her scent would stay with him
And the work whistle blew

GRIEF

I feel as though I've been thrown
Into the deepest part of the ocean
And left completely alone.
I can see the blue of the sky
And the dark black below
And I'm drowning in grief.
It wraps around me like the cold salt water
And I can't find my way to the warm shore
And I can't see the horizon at all.
I'm lost in thoughts and memories
And none of them warm me at all.
My favorite part of Christmas
Is the beautiful bittersweet melancholy
That fills the holidays with a velvet warmth
And I revel in it.
But nothing like that exists in grief.
It's an ice pick
That finds the one wound that has finally healed
And opens it, twisting slowly
Making sure you don't have a second, a moment
     a day, a week, a month
With no pain
But there is healing in nature
And glory in the stars, sweetness in the wind
And someday the universe will teach me how
To turn grief to grace.

Unbuttoning a pair
Of 501 Levi jeans
Undiscovered world

An old guitar with

     brand new strings that plays sweet songs

           about blues and the moon

BAM BAM

Stupidity has never been my strong suit
I've always excelled at everything I've tried
And yet here I sit
Escaping being a statistic
Only by virtue of my age and my income
I stare out the window
covered in one of those flimsy paper gowns
And wonder what wise woman first said
"Keep your socks on"
It's raining outside and it suits my mood
And YES!
I'm being over-dramatic, god-damnit
But I have a right to be
42 years old
Vice President of a major 200 corporation
And caught completely unaware
...... well, perhaps not completely 
I am not an idiot and I know how birth control works.
I remember all too well the night
That got me in this condition.
Several drinks, a rock concert, front row against the stage
Backstage pass and afterward the drummer ...
who signed my ....
I had nothing for him to sign
But oh honey, he was perfection
With those big arms and boyish charm
And an accent just as sweet as a Georgia peach
And although I had nothing for him to sign
He sure as hell left his signature behind.
Where the hell is the doctor?
He's giving me too much time to think!
The pregnancy test this morning, responsibilities I don't know if I want
And do I have to tell the drummer?
He's a drummer for christ sake!
He talked about sex and pot and drumming
And I think his brain was at full capacity!
I certainly don't need a dime of his money
Or a piece of advice from that Georgia peach!
Where the fuck is that doctor?
Does the drummer daddy have a right to know?
That's the real question?
What could he bring to a child's life?
To a .... a child.
Just the drummer, the drummer.
I can keep my mind on him.
Do I tell him or not.
Does he have rights?
No, of course not!
After a quickie backstage
And by the way ...
I am NOT a fucking groupie!
And I don't even know
How to reach him
Except through his fan club.
His fan club!!
Oh Jesus ...
I'm a groupie.

RAW

It all started so fucking simple
A raw stare across a bar
A smile
Kisses in a car
Bodies against a door
In a bed
On the floor
It almost became a cliche
It could have become a joke
And when he said with truth
"I love you"
And she replied in kind
Not even thirty hours
After first stare
It almost became a soap opera plot
But he did
And she did
And they were shocked
By their own behavior
But they were most scared
Because they weren't scared
Not at all
They had been around the block
More than once, more than twice
Had been to the magic show
And figured out all the tricks
They had played the games
And were finally raw
And almost ready
To give it all up
Be alone
Hibernate
Embrace their base
And hide away the layers
And then suddenly it was all so fucking simple.
She thought his hands were beautiful
Strong, well worked, masculine.
He thought she has the softest lips
He had ever kissed.
She cried when he told her of his childhook
His heart pounded in fury as she told him of her former marriage
There was baggage between them
     as heavy as a lifetime
There were secrets they had never shared
There was laughter, even under covers
They compared tattoos, outlined them with tips of tongues
There were no games
They were raw
There was sex and more sex
And what started as a delicious release
Became a communion of hearts and souls
And unknown ecstasy
And because they were raw
Pleasure had fallen down on them like rain
They knew before fifty hours had passed
They had been searching for each other
Since the awakening of all desire
And they would never be parted
No matter what they had to change or destroy
To have the life they had been denied
The nauseating fairy tale
The fucking simple story
The badly written soap opera plot
Had gone from fiction to reality
And it was real
It was a lifetime of desire
That became an answered question
It was a chaotic symphony of souls
It was two people who never expected this
     at this point in their lives
It was two people
Who finally allowed themselves
To become raw

SUBTLE HINTS

It is not winter ... yet
I know it's far away
Miles from here
Like a bedtime story
At the break of day.
Like chasing a dream
As it fades.
But there are subtle hints it's coming
A winter that I don't know
If I should dread or embrace.
It's only autumn
Not even fully fall yet
And it's an Indian summer
With crisp blue skies
And warm winds that wrap around your body
Like a lover's touch.
But now and then I notice
The leaves have begun to change
Again, just subtle hints
Flecks of gold and red
Where all was once green
Like Ponyboy and Robert Frost.
Well, Eden hasn't sunk to grief yet.
Tonight I'll put away all thoughts of winter
And revel in the Indian summer
With good wine and good friends
The lovers touch and the warm wind
And dreams that will pass through the night.

GYPSY POETS

Down in a Mexican town
With too many lovers
And not enough friends;
We discover our true destiny:
      gypsy poets.
The constants are as ever;
The sun, the sea, the holy moon
The empty visions of us all
perpetually stoned writers
We are vampires of the mind
Cannibals of the soul
Thieves of faith
We play with hearts
As easily as playing with words
And feel no regret
At discarding one
And seducing another.
We light candles in ornate churches
And pray for our damned souls
But our painted lips give us away
For we worship nothing but words
And revel in our own faithlessness
Gypsy tramps.